EPISODE 5 DIRE GUILT

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What we do not know, we fear but what we see we eventually disrespect. I thought my fears had disappeared, only to realise the feelings I had for Stella was just a placebo, hiding my deeply rooted fear.

I closed my eyes fiercely, while I heard this humming sound with no idea of where it was coming from. Greatly annoyed was I when I realised it was my phone vibrating; I ignorantly changed its profile while trying to have some rest. Unfortunately for me, sleep became a priceless jewel for me which I needed with great interest but was unable to afford. Ideas ran into my head for shelter but I was confused of the ones I should give priorities. For a while, I thought of watching a movie, but virtually all the movies on my laptop were stale movies I reluctantly picked my phone to see if I could play some mobile games, only to realise that I had some messages and notifications on my Facebook account. I easily surfed through the net while my mouth opened wide like that of a roaring lion;emitting warm air, giving the signal that implied, arrival of the sleep I wanted with great passion. One out of the numerous notifications I received was a link to a particular website, which attended to me with a disclaimer, asking me if I was above eighteen. At first I was prompted to ignore the page, having mixed ideas of what the website entails. I accepted the terms and conditions applied after filling the space for the age bracket, claiming to be 21 years of age knowing full well it was a lie.

The night seemed to be very long at first, but after the full content of the website was completely displayed, it happened to be a negrolised pornographic website. I was so engrossed in what my eyes could see, my heart was captivated, my attention was unobjectly drawn to the unknown mysteries of life displayed by the website. Suddenly I started downloading various clips of the so called pornographic videos. I knew my actions were not right but I was lost in them with nobody to give me a caution or tutor, about the consequences. After downloading quite a number of videos, I positioned myself at the end of the bed with my back firmly placed on my pillow, stretching my hand 45 degrees left to switch of the light making the view more interesting, I started watching them one after another, with serious commitment. In few minutes I began to feel an inexpiable body sensation, which led to the erection of my genitals, at this point nothing could make me stop until I get to its peak. It was a form of relaxation to me my mind could get a form of serenity at this point.

The video played with various scenes showcasing various styles of making proper use of the most secluded parts of the body. What got my attention the most was when I heard the lady groan so soft with her attractive dangling breast making you wish you were the one with her, with a black guy who looked so muscular and huge, sweating profusely. While concentrating vigorously on the clip, I felt the urge of urinating but it gave a different sensation making it look as if something was placed as an obstacle obstructing the urine from coming out. At this point, I had gotten to the extreme, only to see some milkish substance with the form of saliva but a little bit ticker and whiter, at first it came out very little with a sharp stop then continued until my penis fell slowly like a banana leaf struck with thunder filling its tip with semen. I had little or zero urge to continue watching, ignominiously I sat on my bed with my with my pillow firmly laid on my chest, ruminating about the despicable thing I had just done.

 

“gba! gba! gba!” “Who is that?”I shouted with panic in my voice, with guilt of what I had done. I was surprised by what the time was when I realised it was Femi; our last born. Like my father, he is also an early riser. He preferred me to prepare him for school as a result of my leniency with him. I sluggishly walked towards the door and opened it, it was just 5:35am and everywhere was bright enough for an old woman to walk without a lamp. While I prepared Femi for school, I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for him. His bus would horn anytime soon and lateness was what their  driver hates,most times left Femi on several occasion making mom angry and furious but the truth of the matter is,we should be blamed for such.

‘‘Pon Pon Pon’’ The bus was here and Femi was fully ready ‘‘have you done your assignment?’’He looked puzzled at first thinking if he had any, but could not remember at that moment so I told him leave since he was late already.

He slammed the door, I went back to my room to re-arrange some stuff,my phone beeped and it was Tolu’s call, I called back and we had a lengthy conversation which was unusual but worthwhile .The call ended then something prompted me to say hi to Stella so i sent a message within few minutes I got a reply and what I saw was not………………. .

 

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