Friends or ‘loose-ends’ (1)

An insight on ‘true friends’

You ever looked at a person assumed to be close to you and know that you are missing something? You ever been with someone that eats from your plate but leaves a bitter taste in your mouth with every action and inaction? You ever shared a bed with someone who soon becomes someone you hardly know? You ever been with a boy or girl who you assumed you could die for, only to discover that he/she knows nothing about you? If you have ever had a ‘friend’ who has never stood up for you then sit tight because this article is just for you.

Friends are a pivotal part of our lives-teens and youths and maybe even adults, without which, we can almost never survive. Friendships  generally begin from kindergarten (our days of ‘sand-play’ and kiddie drama) up until marriage age and beyond and each stage comes with a different criteria for friend choice. You meet people, chat up, connect and possibly form bonds, but that doesn’t totally define friendship.

To begin, we may show a scenario or two and you may be required to give your own answers. The first case is;

Bola (not real name) goes to a bar to get a few bottles of booze. While talking to the waiter, his eye catches a young woman in her mid-thirties enjoying her cup of diet coke. He smiles at her, to which she replies in like manner. They get talking about seemingly random matters and exchange cellphone numbers. He gives her a ride back home receiving a ‘thank you’ kiss from her.   Can she be called Bola’s friend?

Akeem (again, not real name) gets into college as a freshman. He knows no one and is possibly a hermit (a shy and socially inactive person). He joins the queue already formed in the cafeteria, looking very morose. A strong hand pushes him with the words “Behind me, Punk” coming simultaneously from the mouth of a big burly blond bloke. He is still very shell-shocked when another guy in front responds to the bully. “Pick on your own size, rat-face”. A little scuffle ensues with the ‘savior’ winning.  Is the savior, Akeem’s friend?

A few other questions could arise in the form of;

** Do you make friends the first day you meet new people?

** Do you make friends just because the person helped you out of a sticky situation?

** Do you make friends with someone because he/she smiled at you?

** Do you make friends because they are ‘friends’ with your friends?

All these questions and more, would be answered as we go on.

Now, we are going to define friendship and friends in some ways and I sincerely hope that you’ll find a definition that you really like and possibly agree with. It is a deep topic that should not be taken with levity. I’ll just give a definition or two on friendship as we have to understand what the phenomenon is in other to fully grasp the ‘person’.

Friendship, simply put, is the state or relationship.Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. It is that feeling that draws you to call someone to tell him/her about some good news. Or bad news.

In childhood, friendships are often based on the sharing of toys, and the enjoyment received from performing activities together. These friendships are maintained through affection, sharing, and creative playtime. While sharing is difficult for children at this age, they are more likely to share with someone they consider to be a friend.

In adolescents, it has been proven that, ‘YOU ARE WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE’. Adolescents are easily pressured, coerced or influenced by their friends. It is also found out that found that friendships formed during post-secondary education last longer than friendships formed earlier.

In adults though, Life events such as changes in marital status (marriage, divorce, widowhood), changes in parenthood, residential moves and career changes (new jobs, virtual employment, retirement) to name a few of the life events, can impact the quality or quantity of friendships.Adults may find it particularly difficult to maintain meaningful friendships in the workplace. Also, in old age, while all other distractions come creaking to a halt, friendships become more and more important.


I was able to talk to a few random people about who they thought a friend was and I got varying ideas and responses, some of them simple and some deep ones too. But according to the biggest form of information resource center (lol..), a friend is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. This is a typical web definition, you may think, but I believe that there’s more to it that meets your eyes.

I asked a friend of mine named Grace (of course, this is not her real name) and she was very sober and thoughtful about the question. She said and I quote. “Teejay, this is a deep question oh. but let me try”. I was amazed at the words that came from her mouth. She gave an illustration first………

…….to be continued……..


About teejay Anthony 6 Articles

Teejay is a writer, speaker and a lover of soccer. You can talk to him about anything and everything…..